Applesauce's Year 2000 Haikus


The relationship:
Destructive, yet productive.
Where is the balance?

Ah, Superbowl

Ah, the Superbowl
Gimme a touchdown, please, and
win the friggin' game!

Ah, Halftime

Ah, the halftime show...
who will it be? No Michael
Jackson please. Oh Beck!

The Snowman Cometh.....

Make me a snowman
with glistening charcoal eyes,
banana peel smile.


Paranoia in
The office, Who do you trust?
No one really knows....

Jesus twas a sturdy lass

Lovin' Bob Marley,
Smokin' de weed, singing songs,
He's the rasta man.

Drivin' that train

A 6 a.m. drive,
The fog and the mist, lack of

Slick Jack

Playing hearts 'til 5
a.m., The Jack of Diamonds
Always takes it all.......

Happy F'ing Valentine's Day

Be my Valentine!
Bring me cards, chocolates -- what's this?
Valentine is dead.

Haiku Millionaire

A T.V. marriage,
who'dve thunk? Rick and Darva,
a pile of junk...

Round One

Give me punching bag!
Strike! Strike! Work out all the kinks,
Until all is smooth....

Dream Haiku

It's a wedding cake,
A dream come true, you and me
And then I awake....

Boys Night Out

It's the boys night out
in old Philadelphia.
Tonight is the night...

Protest Haiku

Ah, the protesters!
From New York and Ohio,
Here to spank the bank.....

Violent Femmes Haiku

Oh Gordon Gano!
You may be old, but you're still
sexy and sturdy...

Broken Haiku

Again split in two,
A pain quite familiar numbs
what tries to be free.....

Ravin' Haiku

Ravers with glow sticks
and blue pacifiers: hope
for the human race.

Ah, Thank You College Boys...*

Please be our sponsors,
Get us in the God-damned pool,
Before we freak out....

*This Haiku was inspired by a trip to the pool at the U of Md. It took us a half-an-hour to get it in while we waited in 96 degree weather....

College Weekend Haiku

Strumming in the grass,
Partying with the grad. class,
Days of long ago.....

Beach Haiku

Give me Dewey Beach!
Take away all the bull shit --
I think I'm sun burned.......

Tragic Haiku

It's a tragedy,
Unforeseen -- or was it? The
Perpetrator knows.....

Oh Rupert!

Wonder Bread, Donna
Summer and space-age gadgets,
Rupert is hot stuff....

Oh Rupert! Part Deux

Rupert on my mind.
For he is the sturdiest
Theramin master.

Oh Rupert! Part Trois

Long hair, chainmail vest,
Sisters of Mercy delight,
He's hot stuff tonight!

Thank you Dewey Beach!

"Hey now, you're a rock
star" -- I'm too old for this shit!
Take me to the Keys.....

Cure Haiku

Oh Robert Smith! You're
still my heartthrob! No one "Shake-
Dog-Shakes" quite like you.....

Sonic Youth Haiku

Thurston, Kim, Lee, Steve,
Take me to your thousand leaves,
In sunshine or rain.....

Pensive Haiku

Is tripping up Honesty.
How unfortunate....

Confused Haiku

Astral projection,
Freud, Jung and psychic crystals,
The answer lies where?

Mid-Summer Night's Haiku

My city of birth, heal me
With your Midnight Sprites.....

Used Haiku

Hung out to dry like
A wet towel after a
Day of shark swimming.

Slutty Haiku

An affection slut
or a slut for affection?
Either way -- no good.

Here We Go Again

Something great was lost,
At what cost? Your pain or mine?
Let's sit a while.....

Oh Nikki Nova!!!!!

Oh Nikki, you're so
Fine, you grab your crotch and rap
Your rhymes, oh Nikki!

One from the Road

I grit my teeth while
old snoots drink cognac and laugh
about the weather....

Ol' Santa Fe

Museum worker girl,
Smudged lipstick and jet-black eyes,
Kick it, win the prize...

Makin' Friends Haiku

Desert raves, desert
lands, I spotted him across
the sands -- smiling.

Stupid Haiku

The neighbor's dog is
dying, electric chairs are
frying -- you liar!

Hate Mail Haiku

Courtney Love can kiss
my ass, she acts like a skank
and should wear a mask

A Dandy Warhols Haiku

Now, Courtney from the
Dandy's, sure is fine. He can
ring me any time.....

Cobain Haiku

Kurt was a martyr,
And a good musician too.
His brains became goo.....

Robert Smith Haiku 2

But Robert, he's still
Alive and kickin', so I
think about stickin'....

Amos Haiku

Tori may be a
freak, but her words and music
are not for the meek....

DiFranco Haiku

Ani. How can we
Forget Ani? She strums and
Chirps like a banshee....

3rd-Eye Give Me a Break Haiku

Steve Jenkins, You're a
Sleaze. You only date models
And spread your disease....

Ah Beck...

Ah Beck, you are a
Ray of light. With your gadgets
Your songs turn out right......

Slim Shady Haiku

Eminem, you have
Problems. I like your style,
Let's chat a while....

Ah Baby....

A lullabye for
Your sleepy time makes me want
to rest in your crib....

Bullock Haiku

Oh Sandra Bullock,
You're a perky and foul-mouthed
bundle of trouble....